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How to set boundaries with co-workers


Recently readers had a file Great discussion About how to set boundaries with clients and co-workers who make the most of your time, skills, and efforts — but it's a huge topic, so let's discuss! What are your best tips for setting boundaries with co-workers and clients?

I think it's important to note at the outset that co-workers are as different as clients as they are bosses—and most of the advice here applies very strongly to co-workers. Keep in mind that bosses and clients may expect you to answer questions that ultimately lead you nowhere - this is not a deliberate waste of your time (or busy work), but rather the normal part of doing business.

Some of our previous discussions may also be useful here - we've talked about that The colleague who takes credit for your workAnd the How do you tell your boss that you are not her personal assistant?And what to do with it The client who hits you.

How to set boundaries with co-workers who take advantage of your time, skills, and efforts

However, here are some of the best tips on how to set boundaries with these types of people:

Set limits on your time. I always appreciate when people notice that they won't respond to email until Monday morning, for example. Get to know your office, though!

Transfer of responsibility. This won't work for everyone — but if your co-worker keeps finding sneaky ways to get you to do his or her job, it's okay to refer repeat offenders to other people. “You know who knows this? Jim in Marketing!” (This might work less with clients or with bosses!)

Make it clear where they are on your priority list. "I have to get X, Y, and Z done for other people, and then maybe I can spend 15 minutes helping you with that."

Get them out of your space. You may also want to refer to our post at How to deal with talkative co-workersBecause a lot of the advice will work there too - it's especially important to get this person out of your space because you've become so caught up in the conversation afterwards. Go to the printer with them or go to the coffee desk - this way, there's a clear moment where you can say, "Okay, great talk, I'll see you later!"

When readers came up with this, some of their advice was amazing, too:

One reader noted that tone is important — you can be warm and kind without leaving room for negotiation.

Be firm in content, but not in tone. That is, “Unfortunately, I won't have the bandwidth this week for this task. You could try asking X if he can handle it.”

Don't get angry at people for asking you for things, and don't get proactively defensive. Less is more - you don't have to explain yourself or justify anything. Be as warm and nice to her as you can, but leave no room for negotiation.

Another reader emphasized setting time/space boundaries, as well as putting her own priorities first:

Want to send an email while I'm moving home? If it comes to something the next morning, I'll answer it after I've eaten dinner, not in a hungry, hungry rush before eating. If it's not for the next morning, I'll reply as soon as I get to work in the morning. Teams chatting to me while I'm taking a break for a walk outside? If there is nothing to do at that moment, I will address him in half an hour when I return. Basically I set my own priorities in terms of schedule, work, etc. ahead of others in all cases unless it is something that needs to be dealt with quickly at that moment. And I stopped apologizing for the "slow reply". If they have an issue they can bring it up, but I don't proactively apologize anymore.

And guess what? Nothing ever made this strategy an issue, and I stopped feeling like I couldn't budge from my seat or make time for personal priorities because I needed to be able to respond at a moments notice.

A third reader noted that they are no longer very useful to the offender:

Set boundaries and then stop being so helpful to them. For example, a co-worker who emails me instead of my help inbox. The first time I answer and tell them the help box is where they should ask questions like this in the future. Any subsequent times they email me, I don't respond for a day or two (and I'm still redirected to my help inbox). In the end, they realized that the help inbox is much more useful and faster than sending me an email.

Readers, did you come up with this? What are your best solutions for setting boundaries with co-workers who take advantage of you? If you feel you need to set boundaries with your boss or a client, what are your best tips for that?

Stock image via Stencil.


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