Are you addicted to the phone?
If you find your phone in your hand by default, you might be addicted.
Later. Jungian psychologist and addiction expert Carder-Stout, Ph.DHe sees clients suffering from alcoholism and drug addiction for sure. But also: dependence on connection, ego, resentment, love, and overthinking. In his new book, We are all addicted Any fixation that separates you from your innate humanity can be considered an addiction, Stout posits. If your phone becomes an issue, he encourages small steps — followed by larger ones — toward digital sobriety.
And if you get tired of your smartphone, consider using something like this Light phonewhich allows basic functionality (talk, text, navigation, music, podcasts, alarm clock) without social media, emails, or an internet browser.
Not so smart phones
Written by Carder-Stout, Ph.D., of We are all addicted
For the past 10 years, I've had a hard and fast rule in my therapy office — I tell my patients to turn off their phones in the waiting room before they walk in. Turning the phone off completely creates a different energy than switching to airplane mode, and I've noticed my patients relax in a different way when they're completely detached. My patients thank me for this edict—several of them tell me this will be the only time during the week that he gets off the phone. Some of them have no idea how to turn the phone on and off, like they never did before. About half are on board or compatible, yet many phones have beeped during a session after a patient assured me it was off.
Worrying about not having their phone, even if it's only for a brief period of fifty minutes, is a cause for them to be dishonest with their psychiatrist. In fact, a few people have left my practice outright because of phone guidance. It was an interesting episodic take on human nature in the age of technology. I see how attached people are to their phones. They will lie, argue, justify, and demand to be available and accessible at all times. Now, tell me - do you think this is healthy? Do you feel familiar to you? Do you know how to turn off your phone?
When I come home from work, I do another ritual. I check my phone to see if there is any urgent command that needs a response, and after completing this task, I shut it down completely. Between 7:00 PM and 7:00 AM, I don't get on the phone. This seemed strange at first, since I too had developed a dependence on it, but after a while it seemed normal. I was going back to my childhood days, before smartphones were invented. I can't tell you how refreshing it feels to unplug it from the constant give and take with my phone. I focus my energy on developing my relationships with my two children and my wife. We read stories together, talk about our days, solve puzzles, play games, and eat nonstop meals. I think this time is sacred - I won't take it again, and it needs to be improved. My children will thank me for it one day, but in some way they actually do, because their joy is linked to the amount of time I give them. They haven't grown up in a home culture where phones are highly valued and so they don't know any different. My relationships have improved since these boundaries were implemented, and this comes as no surprise to me.
Knowledge promotes the expansion of human experience, not its contraction. From a soul perspective, smartphones are hindering the innate, primitive desire to socialize with one another, and are changing the way we perceive the people in our lives — even those we hold dear. Remember, spirit is our greatest asset when it comes to healing. Its main purpose is to show us alternatives to our negative, ego-driven pursuits and to help us regain happiness and love in ourselves. The spirit is constantly flowing, unwavering, and impervious to harm. It is the only constant in our lives that determines how we genuinely feel and constantly pushes us to be better. The soul is very much concerned with the development of human relations through direct experience rather than by artificial means. The phone is only a product of ego, and addiction loves anything ego-driven. The soul values freedom, while the ego is seduced by entanglement. The soul knows that one should not depend on validation or flattery to establish one's sense of self, but that the ego derives its nature from this very exchange.
Daily changes can make a huge difference. When you are not using it, you should put your smartphone away. When you're with others, switch to airplane mode and focus your attention completely on the person in front of you. It's hard to focus when a tiny, audible beep alerts you to a new notification. Turn off notifications or leave your phone on silent and enjoy the time you spend with others.
Adapted from We are all addicted By Carder-Stout, Ph.D. Copyright © 2023 US. Published by Viva Editions, an imprint of Start Midnight, LLC, New Jersey. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without the written permission of the publisher.
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